Religious, secular, or somewhere in between: choosing your ceremony style

For couples who share a religious background, the ceremony style is often a given. For everyone else, interfaith couples, one partner religious and one not, or both partners without any religious affiliation, it's a genuine decision that's worth having early rather than assuming it'll sort itself out.

Fully religious

Follows the customs, readings, and structure of a specific faith tradition, usually led by clergy from that tradition. This is the right choice when the ceremony's religious meaning matters to at least one partner and their family, and both partners are comfortable with the format.

Fully secular

No religious content at all, led by a civil officiant or a friend/family member, built entirely around personal vows, readings, and rituals chosen by the couple. This gives the most flexibility but also means starting from a blank page rather than an existing template.

Blended or interfaith

Incorporates elements from more than one tradition, sometimes co-officiated by clergy from each. This takes more planning and more upfront conversation with both officiants about how the ceremony will actually flow together, but it can meaningfully honor both families' backgrounds rather than choosing one over the other.

Have the conversation with families early

If either family has strong expectations about the ceremony format, raising it early avoids a difficult conversation happening close to the date, when there's far less room to adjust plans that are already booked.